Habit #4 – Think Win-Win

In the animal kingdom, when faced with a problem (stimulus), the reaction (response) is an immediate decision to "fight or flight". This is a win or lose situation. We humans have been blessed with a step in between stimulus and response, and this step allows us to more carefully choose our response.

We can choose to do what the animals do (fight or flight), or we can figure out a better solution that is good for everyone, so nobody loses.

Whenever we have a problem or disagreement, it does not always mean that somebody has to win and somebody has to lose. For example, if two kids cannot go out until certain chores are done, instead of arguing whose turn it is to do the chores, they do them together, they get the chores done sooner that way, and both kids are able to go out sooner. You help me and I’ll help you. We both win.

It has been said that you can get anything you want in life, all you have to do is to help enough other people get what they want. Always be willing to help others first, even when you expect nothing in return at the moment. This gains respect for you, and later on you may be surprised how well people will want to cooperate with you.

If a kid wants a bigger allowance and the parent says no, is it wise to fight or go away? How can this be a win-win for both sides? This is where negotiations come in. What if the kid offers to do extra chores in exchange for a bigger allowance? Depending on the value of those chores to the parent, the parent just might agree to that. The parent wins by getting extra help with chores, and the kid wins by getting the bigger allowance. Win-Win. Business contracts are handled in much the same way.

Sometimes we are not sure what’s the right thing to do. When this happens, use the WWJD approach (What Would Jesus Do?). That doesn’t mean you have to create a miracle, but you could think of ways that you could make the situation better. This usually means to seek a peaceful solution. Love God, Love Your Neighbor. From that perspective, solutions are often easier to find.